Reviewers Behaving Badly

I've become just as suspect as anyone about the legitimacy of reviews. With authors paying for reviews, begging for five stars and dressing up as consumers to write inflated reviews of their own books it’s hard to trust all five of those shiny stars. But what happens when those seeming "authors behaving badly" are actually reviewers doing it themselves? Can a gushy, happy, joy-joy 5-star review actually be more detrimental to an author than a 2-star one?

From some personal experience, some fellow author's experiences and a little observation, here are some pitfalls authors may encounter even in honestly obtained reviews.

1. The Facebook Comment As Review

 

"Omg, my cousin totally wrote this book and it's amazing! I don't read at all, but I think everyone should buy this book because my cousin spent a lot of time and money on this and it's so cool that I'm related an author! 5 stars for Brooke and her awesome accomplishment!"

Ok, fine, if you want to put something like this on your Facebook page, knock yourself out but for the love of literary kittens do not post it on a distributor like Amazon or B&N or a review site like goodreads. It makes the author look like they have been soliciting reviews. I have no doubt the author (poor made up Brooke in this case) did NOT ask for an overzealous cousin to post this, but sadly some excited friends and family members do. Unless you have read the book and have more of an opinion as to why it's good besides knowing the author personally, keep things like this on Facebook, not on review sites.

2. The Skimmer Writes a Review

"This is a great time-travel piece. The characters find a magical creek and drink the water and are transported to the Civil War where they free slaves from an auction. I loved the narrator and her brother was so funny. 5 stars."

Well, that's great, but in the book, they go to the creek AFTER they get tossed back in time because it is the only natural landmark they have to go by. Then they find out they are in 1855 (the Pre-Civil War era) and a vigilante group of abolitionists plots to steal slaves from an auction. And the narrator doesn't have a brother, that guy is just her friend, though the narrator does lie that he's her brother so it doesn't seem so improper they are traveling together for the time period.

See the difference? I've had authors mention people recounting events in their books that never happened or are so skewed they make the story seem, well, stupid. Especially in fantasy, horror, or sci-fi when oversimplification can make even great books sound lame, it is pretty darn important for reviewers to know what they read. I’ve seen many readers at the library claim to “love” books they’ve only skimmed. It happens. But don’t write an incomplete review. It makes the author look like they don’t know how to tell a story and consumers will think the 5-star rating is unjustified.

3. The Stalker

"This was a great book. It was entertaining and the characters were likeable, yet had heroic energy that provided a wonderful escape. 5 stars."

What's so wrong with that, you ask? Well, nothing, the first time around. But when it's posted on Amazon, and B&N, and Smashwords, and Goodreads, and... well, you get it. I had an author friend who had an excited fan who actually created multiple accounts to put the exact same review everywhere the book was sold. I have a hard enough time keeping track of where my books are distributed... but a reader? My friend didn't know what to do because she never asked the guy to put the review up in the first place let alone in ten places. She was worried someone would think she paid a robot to put the review up everywhere. I know I like to look at multiple sites with book reviews and if I saw the same one twice I would be suspicious. The same has happened with excited fans posting multiple promotions for an author's book on all their social media until their friends become annoyed at them and, of no fault to the author, the author as well. Authors love when friends and fans help promote the work, but when done badly it makes the author look egotistic and amateurish.

4. The Silent Anonymous That Loved Your Book

Anonymous. 5 stars. There is no text for this review.

Hey look five stars! Click. No comment. Just a sad blank spot. As an author this can be frustrating. With any extreme review like 5 or 1 stars, the author wants a little feedback… What did I do wrong? What did I do right? I must admit that on goodreads I am guilty of just posting stars and no review. But on say B&N, the anonymous option leaves no feedback whatsoever for authors or consumers. At least goodreads includes a name, profile, and shelves the reviewer put the book on so consumers can tell what demographic the reviewer fits into to give some inkling of why they reviewed book highly in the first place. Anonymous doesn’t. I mean, sure remain anonymous if you want to give a bad review so the author doesn't behave badly and find you on FB or some junk, but a good review? Readers have no way to know why those 5 stars are there. Naturally I'm more suspicious of anonymous 5 stars than anonymous 1 star. (Which may be a good thing, considering so many anonymous 1-star reviews.) Sad but true.

 5. The "I Never Should Have Published Short Stories for Free if You Don't Get It" Reviewer

 "1 star, this was only like, 20 pages long!"

"I got this book for free and it's not even a book, there's like one chapter! 1 star."

"This book stops after the good part, WTF. 1 star."

"I liked this but it's not very long at all and I'm confused where's the rest lol. 1 star."

"If I open it and its less than 20 pages long, I'm just giving it one star."

 All right, so this isn’t a 5-star review, but an unfair review I think can sometimes be because of bad reviewer behavior.

Don’t get me wrong. I hate when an author uses confusing wordage to promote a short story (“A short novelette of epic proportions!”) then charges $2.99 (or more!) for it. If the consumer is made to believe that they are paying for a whole book because the author is greedy then of course they should be mad.

But when the word “short story” is in the description, and on the title page/cover and the story is free… well, then give me another reason for a 1 star rating then the fact that it was just a short story.

I think authors have every right to publish their short stories as ebooks if they are honest about what they are doing, but that’s a whole other blog post.

6. Authors Behaving Badly As Reviewers Making Other Authors Bad In A Terrible Spiral of Bad

In an email: "Hey I totally reviewed your book on my blog 'cuz it was good and indie and stuff. Here's the link to the post so you can share it! Attached is my novella kind of about the same thing you wrote if you want to review it on your blog, just do it by October because I'm promoting the release of my new book "Best Book Ever" then. By the way you rock, let me know when you're next book is out so I can review it!"

 This has happened a couple times now that I've been including my email in the back of books/my blog/at the end of short stories. So I click on the link and there's a picture of my book from Amazon and some generalities taken from the sample chapters but when I click to view the whole blog, my post is buried under another 8 posts of other indie books and guess what? They're all amazing and happy and great. But the sad thing is, some of the authors really did share the link and review the attached novella and give it high ratings just because some random author exploited their desire to be reviewed. It’s a sick, sad, un-genuine cycle of reviewing badness and it makes my head hurt.

I understand we indies need to help each other out, but to me this good review in exchange for a good review is dishonest nonsense. It’s one thing if you actually like the book, but if you’re just giving a book 5 stars because the author threw some glittery BS to you in an email then you are doing other indies a great disservice.

 Go give an indie author you really enjoy those 5 stars and a thoughtful review before their anonymous cousin does it for you.

Offended.

*WARNING: terrible, horrible, no good, very bad words. Read with the utmost caution*

I’m not sure there’s any way to explain my point without a long-winded back story, so please bear with me.

I basically live in a very conservative place. I understand that I have different views than many people I come into contact with, but I’ve never meant to be disrespectful or even antagonistic. I stand by my morals just as much as anyone, but I don’t feel the need to constantly push my agenda or get into arguments. Most of the time I “behave myself,” by not bringing things up when I disagree politically, spiritually, socially, whatever.

A big part of this is language. I don’t say “bad” words on my facebook page, and the first time I read some of the more “out there” writer’s blogs, I was shocked to see how much “fuck” was used casually, humorously, in anger, or just as any other word. I don’t care, but there would be people I know that would flip if they ever read something like that. The truth is I say fuck all the time, but I rarely write it on the internet.

Which is one of the reasons I started my pen name, Matilda Loveshack. I want to write about dark and dangerous things like horror, murder mysteries, psychopaths, dystopian futures, and yes, sex. I very clearly state that I write this kind of thing in my fiction under this name and if you do not like it or don’t want it near your children, I completely respect your decision to not read it. I feel like I stick as many little red flags into my work as possible to prevent anyone being subjected to content they simply do not want to read. I understand.

Well, of course, my book has been out for about two weeks and I’ve already had a bit of a falling out with some people I was close to, over the content of my book. (My zombie book, I might add.)

They were deeply offended and hurt that I would even think about writing something like this. Not the whole ‘murder and people eating each other’ thing. What was it that was so offensive? I had the characters saying “fuck.”

I’m not going to lie. Authors that fling around profanity on every page aren’t exactly my favorite. But when “bad words” are used realistically, I think they can add so much to the characters and tone of the story. Not only do I think that’s how people do talk, if you’re going to have all sorts of other R-rated content, why is “fuck” the biggest problem people have?

Well, this brings me to explaining something that I included purposefully in my book.

Along with fuck (and shit), I include one character using the word “crippled” and another “retarded.”

Now for those that don’t know, I was born with a physical defect and many people (public I know from working customer service, mostly) for some reason always use “crippled” to describe me. To my face, to my co-workers, my bosses, my friends. I’m the crippled one. The cripple with three jobs. The girl that does so good for being crippled.

For a long time, I despised that word. I got angry when people used it. But I knew one thing: I was not going to be victimized by a word. So I thought about it and realized that it wasn’t the word, it was that they were dictating how I should see myself when they used the word.

Basically, how I see the world and how they see the world do not line up. My experiences lead me to one conclusion about the word, and their experiences lead them to another. These “bad” words highlight a pivotal difference between two people, and that can be very isolating. It’s upsetting. I think it’s perfectly fine to say fuck. You think saying fuck is a deeply disrespectful and malicious action. Rather than sit down and figure out why one thinks one way and one thinks the other, these offensive words are simply labeled bad and no other thought is put into it.

So, before anyone yells at me for using these offensive words, let me say this.

The character in my book uses the term “crippled” in an antagonistic way. She is trying to piss off another character. She is not being nice and she would not be politically correct about it, though given her character she would probably not be PC anyway.  
The character that says “retarded” is 9 years old and it’s in a very emotional scene. She’s all worked up and ends up saying “fuck” a few sentences later even though she’s never said the word before. She’s basically taking the worst thing she could say to express her epic upset to the other characters. And for me, it worked.

In both these scenes I debated using different words, but put the original “bad” ones in because that’s how the characters would talk, especially in those situations.

I’m not saying that the way I used these words is better than how other authors might use them. Seriously, put them wherever the fuck you want. Nor am I saying that because of my experiences I have some special right to use these words or I’m using them correctly. I’m just saying I knew they were emotional words and after deliberation, I included them. Not to offend anyone. To be true to my work.

Another example. A photographer I follow on Facebook has been shut down a couple times by haters going on about how her tastefully done boudoir photos are offensive. She photographs women and couples of all sizes and really brings out how individuality is beautiful. Honestly, looking at her work made me feel better about my own body. As an artist, that’s what you want to do, help others figure out things about themselves.

But some random people go, “Oh no, confident sexiness, we are deeply offended, shut her down!”

It’s a problem. Because guess what?

The world is harsh. The truth is dirty. Life is offensive.

I will not be made to feel guilty for my expression of the world. Especially after I gave it careful thought and in no way made it a malicious attack on anyone I care about, or anyone that might be reading. I never say “Fuck you” or “Your retarded kid is worthless” or “cripples shouldn’t have jobs.”

If anything, I’m saying, think about this.

Why would this character say this?

What does that mean about the society the character lives in if they are saying these things?

What does it say about all of us?

Rant over J Thank you for listening.

6 ways to be "that" annoying author on Facebook

With all the talk of author brands, online platforms, and finding more outlets to promote work, Facebook seems like an ideal place for an author to connect and advertise. In many ways it is, but if you're not careful you will quickly turn into that annoying person on Facebook, who gets blocked or removed from your friend's news feeds. As an author that uses Facebook with other authorly friends, here are the six most annoying things (in my opinion) an author can do on Facebook.

1. Creating too many pages, and wanting your friends to like ALL of them.

Having multiple pages for pen names or keeping your personal page separate from your author page is often necessary. But don't go overboard. I know authors that on top of having a personal page and multiple pen name pages, they make pages for each book published. Way too much, especially when the author sends like/friend invites to their entire friend's list each time they make a new page. There are only so many things friends will like before you start getting ignored.

2. Word for word multiple postings and shares.

Posting things on your author page AND your personal page word for word will show up as repetitive clutter in friend's feeds that are linked to both your pages. I am guilty of doing this from time to time and I should stop, because it is annoying. Not to mention it doesn't give anyone a reason to like/friend an author page if you post everything to your personal page as well. If you want to promote works via other pen names or your personal page, spread it out and don't copy paste. It's easy: Post. Wait a day. Post with different wordage. But only on really important things like a new book or maybe a promo.

3. No content other than "buy my book."

Not only will you get boring to your friends, new people that check out your page (who may have already bought your book) won't want to subscribe to you on FB unless you provide more content. There are plenty of LOL cats relating to books, writing, or topics you write about (zombies, cooking, rodeos).
If you want to be more serious, do book reviews, post smart things people from history have said, or cats doing serious things. Linking other social networking accounts to automatically post to your FB can be good to up content but not if you post the same things on twitter that you post on FB. (I personally like the goodreads app. For FB, as it updates automatically and I post things there I don't post anywhere else.)

4. Abusing tagging and messaging

Just because someone liked your page/friends you doesn't mean they've signed up for the mailer too. Private messages are a little better, as these are private, but tagging means it'll show up on the tagged friend's wall.

Which, yeah, then people that aren't friends with you will see you have a new book! Awesome!

No, more like annoying because it feels like you're stealing the friend's opinion and using their space for advertising. Bad.

If a friend chooses to post: "New book by Authorly Awesome, read it!" Then great. But when you say "New book by Authorly Awesome, read it!" and stick it on their wall with the clever use of tags... ouch. Sure, people can untag themselves or remove themselves from messages, but really, do you want to wave something in front of their face and annoy them to a point of taking action? They probably won't check out what you're telling them about if that's the case. Especially if you just posted it on your author page. And again on your personal page. Oy.

5. Being too casual.

Personally, I would love to post naughty words and angry self-righteous rants on my personal page, but I don't. I'm super PC, because I'm paranoid. So I'm usually extra paranoid on my author pages. Keep in mind that strangers will be looking at your page even if they don't friend/like your page. So personal, heated drama should probably stay out of your updates. Life updates like moving or kidney failure are probably good if you can tie it into why your next book is late, but daily wallowing is bad. Also, keep it professional. Have a cleaner layout, use complete sentences. No pixilated pictures for your cover photo and do not make your Schnauzer your profile picture. Using profanity is up to you. Of course if it's in your book or your book has adult themes you don't want to present yourself as having a book full of gee-whiz and sexuality that goes as far as the midriff. Just use your best judgment.

6. Calling FB "advertising" or using it as your primary marketing tool.

Having an author page is not advertising. Maybe if you pay lots-o-money for those side ads, but there are debates as to how effective those actually are. And if you think just making a FB page for the book is a good enough marketing plan... um. It's not. And if you think all 437 friends on your personal page will buy your book, you are dreaming. From the local authors I know, and from my experience, only about 10% of your friends will actually buy. A little bit more will read/download free stuff like short stories or blog posts. And less than 10% will come to a live event. Facebook only goes so far and you will soon exhaust your pool of fans and annoy them into blocking you from their feeds/unliking your page if your only advertising is done there. Which defeats the purpose when you have a new book or an event to share.


In my experience FB is best when you have NEWS which is very rare. A new book is news. The first book signing is news. An award is news. Reminding friends to buy the book you published 8 months ago is not news. Reminders are okay, if you get an influx of likes/friends from say a blog post being featured or a book event you went to. But posting every week (or every month) about old books is a good way to turn off your audience. Constant posting is good to stay updated with content, but keep it minimal. A quote here, a link there, an lol cat once a week. That way when you have NEWS you can have a cluster of postings and not be annoying/actually have people pay attention.

FB is a double edged sword, and I will return to the topic to further depress authors in a post I have in the works: why FB will disappoint you as an author. Cheers.

Reading isn't just words

I had a problem at the library today. We had a kid’s program in the morning, and even though I get anxious and flinch more than usual around large groups of children, that was not my problem.

My problem was a boy that kept bringing graphic novels up to the desk only to have his mom take them back and tell him to “get real books.” We have some short chapter books that are about Spiderman and Yoda and all those characters guys like no matter what age they are, but even those didn’t pass her scrutiny of the authentic state of “book.”

Eventually the kid got frustrated, threw his arms out and said, “What am I supposed to do, I’m not interested in anything else!”

To which I think his mom said something along the lines of “Well, get interested in something else.”

I’m with the kid here. Granted he was calling them “comic books” which is fine and I doubt his mom would have been swayed by the slightly snobby-sounding “graphic novel.” Unless maybe I said it with an English accent... Anyway.

So what if the kid isn’t reading Hawthorne yet? If you start telling him some books aren’t real and things he’s interested in aren’t put in books then he won’t want to read when he’s older.

And seriously. Look around at all the books in the children’s library… books about police cars or how bulldozers work or bat-eared foxes. Books on colors and numbers and feeling sad or making decisions. Getting dressed, saying please, sharing with others.

Up until we’re teenagers (and probably beyond that into adulthood) we use books to learn how the world works, and most importantly how we feel and interact with our world.

Reading is psychological, social, emotional, and intellectual. So maybe some people feel that authors can cram their agenda or people blindly follow the protagonist’s lead without contemplating how they really feel, but at least there’s an opportunity to explore how you react to situations and social schemas.

Let the kid get swept away in a comic book if he wants to. He’ll be interpreting the images just as much as the words. He will find moral dilemmas, be incited to use his imagination, and give his range of emotions a little workout in a safe place between paper pages. Which is exactly what any other “real book” does.

Sexiness and book...iness.

Time for too-much-info confession of the day! I secretly try to vamp up my subtle-but-sexy librarian skills when shelving. Even if I am but a lowly clerk and my skirts brush past my knees, damnit, I am a sexy librarian!

The topic I’m attempting to segue into here is a literary pinup calendar in association with artist Lee Moyer that goes to help Worldbuilders.

There’s a bit of a hubbub surrounding the work (as much of a hub or bub that can be generated in the literary world…) about whether the calendar is great or terrible. Thus far the arguments have been pretty balanced: half of the input says the calendar is cute, sexy, fun, and interesting and half say it is offensive, cheapens literature and no one should enjoy looking at pin up images.

Well, this is my blog, so this is my opinion.

If you are turned off by any part of the pin-up girl concept, then you won’t like the calendar. And trust me, I’ve been in enough male-occupied garages to develop a strong distaste for a lot of stuff that the modern pin-up has evolved into.
I can also tell you that this calendar is nothing like that.

First off, I think these are really tastefully done. Even the Twain one, set to be more provocative is very cute in my opinion. No gratuitous side-boob, and she’s not set in a position where you can see both cleavage and a full view of her derrier somehow simultaneously. (I don’t know how a model ever gets into this pose ever, but it’s pretty popular from images I’ve seen.) The outfits are beautiful in themselves and honestly are not that revealing for being pinned as pin-up (See what I did there.) I saw much more the last Halloween party I went to, and there was no intelligent irony to be found. And the women look fairly normal. I mean, yeah they are mostly thin and done up, but they still look real.

Second of all, these images contain a lot of details. I haven’t seen the full calendar, but some are very subtle and you have to look for clues about the books. Which brings me to point three: this wouldn’t work if you didn’t know about literature. Certainly you don’t have to have read the complete works of the authors presented to get it, but the cleverness emerges with the interpretation of the literature.

So, I mean, really, why can’t literature be sexy? Or intelligence, or love of classics? I’ve always held the position that we live in a sex-visible culture instead of a sex-positive one. And right now I’m pretty sure Fifty Shades of Gray is the most reserved book in our collection. People have gone bat-lunatic because it’s all edgy and erotic and crazy and right now holds the top 4 on the New York bestsellers list.

And, honestly, if we are paying homage to literary works through sex, I would much rather have this calendar on my wall than badly written erotica on my shelf.

Showin' some love for Herman ;)

For serious writers only!

All right, I gotta say it, and I mean it. Everyone is a serious writer. It doesn’t matter if you write two hundred bajillion words in a day, or just think maybe sorta writing a book would be cool. All writers are serious. I’ve never met a single person who identifies as a writer that wasn’t serious.

Seriously.

I’m tired of the limitless barrage of egotistical forum and blog posts asserting how much more serious of a writer someone is because s/he’s doing something other people aren’t or not doing something other people are. And how there’s a difference between real writers and amateur writers. No, it doesn’t have to do with money or publication credits or education. It’s about how serious you are. How many words you type, how often you think about writing seriously, how you comprehend plot structure and character development.

Not like those posers who start blogs and don’t keep up with them, that pay other people to format their books, that don’t understand publishing contracts or have stupid pen names or write cheap, flat, lurid, pasted together stories for mere entertainment, or self publish their books without an online platform (the humanity!) or don’t use spell check because they’re so dumb.

But writing is a process. When my Dad barely survived two heart attacks, I didn’t exactly keep my word count up. I barely did any writing the months when I changed jobs, the plumbing in our house blew up, or when I got married. I ditched a “literary” endeavor to write a zombie book because A) it’s zombies, that’s awesome and B) I’ve gotten a massively better reception from potential readers from this set of characters and storyline. I’ve launched my blog seven times. It took me five years to get my bachelors degree and six to write and edit my first novel, still unpublished. I wrote a play and it’s terrible. I kept it, but I fear it’s unsalvageable. I don’t have enough money to pay anyone to format my book, though I might do naughty things for someone to teach me (but that’s another story). Anyone can stumble upon a writer that has a lot to learn and a lot of ground to cover, but my guess is everyone’s been there. I know I have, and still am.

I understand there being a separation between “serious” writers and those they deem as… uh… “un-serious.” I have a list of people that irk me to no end with their delusional plans of literary grandeur, that swear they don’t have to read or listen to feedback, that everything they write is EPIC and everyone else is just so sub-par and books they like are good, but books they don’t like are horrible and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But there are some people that aren’t writers that are all talk and no action, lest it be mediocre or least-effort action which usually ends up being useless anyway. It’s not a curse restricted to writers.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t be proud of the hard work you put into studying the craft of writing and working on your own. But the person using much less work and thought energy is just as proud and enthusiastic about his/her book as you are. You shouldn’t judge the quality of your work to how crappy someone else does theirs.

In summary: The term “serious writer” can be beneficial in some cases, but there are poser scrub newbie people in every field, including writing, and there always will be. So be a serious writer… just don’t talk about it.

And this is pretty much awesome.


Have a nice day.